Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
