why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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