I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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