I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
