mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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