I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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