how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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