he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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