My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
