Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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