I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
