You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
