He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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