..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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