If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize