Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize