i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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