Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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