areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
