I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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