FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
