I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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