Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
