One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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