she takes plan B like it's going out of style
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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