When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
