Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
