Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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