the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
