Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
