Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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