It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I intend to get homeless drunk
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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