Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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