And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
