why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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