Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
