If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
