also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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