so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
