the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
