spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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