did you get engaged???
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
