"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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