I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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