i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize