The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize
