dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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