Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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