you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
