So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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