But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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