and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
