It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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