the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
