No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
