I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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