haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
