I never want to see another naked old woman again.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
