there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
