Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
