what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
