I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
