You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
