it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
