When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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