you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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