ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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