Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
