My nipple is on Facebook.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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